Too Busy Working on My Own Grass

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When I turned 26 on Monday I was ready to buckle up for a major mid 20s crisis. The kind that goes: ” 26?! It’s 4 years to 30!!!” “How I am so close to 30s and so far from what I thought I would have achieved when I am actually am 30?!” …

You know, even if you do not actually  sit down and make a list of things you have to achieve by 30s to be considered – or consider yourself, for that matter –  a person you do do have those benchmarks. For me they were: have a high paying job; living abroad in my lovely apartment, of property of course; engaged to an amazing men or if not engaged, then surely in a serious relationship leading to THE sparkling rock on my finger; or may be if I was a bit ahead of the program, having a baby on its way…
Now, fast forward to 15/10 years later and I am no close to achieve what I thought I would have wanted, and that’s something that made me freak out last year. What am I doing with my life? All my friends from high school are getting married, some have kids, some bought houses or living with their boyfriends and are in serious relationships…So it is natural for me to think, am I wasting time? Well, let me tell you, I learned the hard way that I am doing just fine. And probably so are you if you can relate to what I am telling you…
I thought I wanted all those things but did they really apply to me? Was it me that felt the need to have a family and have all sorted before 30, or was it what I thought others want of me? I came to learn that it was actually not. And it took one year for me to actually realise it and come to own it!
I am 26 and I am perfectly fine with not being in a serious relationship, I don’t feel the need to have one. I would like however to have a high paying job so I could by a house that I can call mine. But I couldn’t know at 16 that buying a house or finding a high paying job would have been so difficult. At 16 I literally said to my dad *insert annoying teenager voice here* “Well I am 16, so I can do whatever I want and have my nose pierced” – obviously these are other two things I was wrong about, what a surprise!
What I am trying to say is that I was so busy comparing myself with others, checking what they had that I did not, that I didn’t actually have time to think if I actually wanted what they had. By all means, if they are happy with being married and having kinds at my age that’s wonderful, and I am happy for them, but that doesn’t mean I am wasting my time. I am, like everyone, a work in progress. I hope I will have a higher paying job so I can buy a house, but also I managed to live in 3 different cities in 7 years and didn’t even realise I did it.
So if we want to go cliche’ and call it a New Year’s resolution or birthday present for myself, I would say this year I want to make my grass even greener without giving a sh** if my neighbour’s greener than mine, cause guess what?! I don’t care.
….I love it! (sorry couldn’t help my self!)

3 Comments

  1. kiagrace
    January 16, 2015 / 10:57 pm

    Thanks Bella! x

  2. January 17, 2015 / 7:06 am

    Way to go Claudia… gambatte. May you hv a field of bright green grass by the end of this year. 🙂

    • kiagrace
      January 20, 2015 / 7:44 pm

      Thanks Laura! Hopefully I’ll have a Hulk green grass by the end of the year 🙂 x

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